Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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