he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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