it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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