She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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