you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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