i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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