Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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