Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
