Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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