If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
