i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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