so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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