You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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