i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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