yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
