Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
