why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
