I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
