Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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