everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
