Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is my gift to your gina
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
