apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Boobs are out for the taking
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
