Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
