after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
