if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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