The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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