yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
