why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
