We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
