Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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