normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
two words...techno handjob
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
