I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are two peas in an std pod
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
