Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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