She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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