What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
