my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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