Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
