dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
