How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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