he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
