East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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