return my video game
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
