I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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