i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
