it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
