she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
