She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you would pick up someone in the library
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
