He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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