Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
