What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
