i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I still have a little drunk in my system
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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