How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it glows. i had to have it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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