someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
