I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
